The Fall of Grace

by Fanticide

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credits

released July 9, 2013

Cast:
Maura Murphy - Grace
Joel Floyd West - The Drug
Pia Zierhut - Euphoria
Janey Age - Hope
Haley Deakers - Innocence
Emily Lazar - Rage
Gregory Felton - Guilt

Musicians:
Adami - All drums, bass, guitar, keyboards (unless otherwise noted)
Troy Carron - Bass on "Your Betrayal"
Andrew Zerwig - First guitar solo on "My Regret"
Benjamin Kladky - Second guitar solo on "My Regret"
Myriam Vekemans - Opening Vocals
Tony Trask - Additional Screams

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about

Fanticide Tel Aviv, Israel

Fanticide has always been a one man band by me (Adami). I found myself making music that is more cinematic and conceptual in nature. Eventually in 2012, it became clear to me that my music is becoming more and more soundtrack like. I decided to write a concept album and found it to be the most natural writing I had ever done. Albums will be rock operas/concept albums. ... more

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Track Name: Corruption of Innocence
Corruption of Innocence

Grace:
Am I alive? It’s not me, not me
Am I anything at all? Or am I a dream?

No one can see me, no one can hear me
No one can know me, no one can love me

This life is not mine, come free me
My words are lost, in their voice for me

No one can see me, no one can hear me
No one can know me, no one can love me

The Drug:
You will do anything to be with me
Once you pick me up you cannot undo me
Let me in, you will not regret
When you think of me you will damn sure break a sweat

Grace:
Your spirit enters my life
You venom takes me away
Your freedom carries me unto my grave

The Drug:
Take me in you will never want to get out
I will keep you clear of storm and draught
So just remember this is all in your mind
And you will be afraid to ever leave me behind

I will seduce you, confuse you, reduce you
My will is all I know you will bend to
If you take me in I will never misuse you
But I will let you use me even if you refuse to

Grace:
Your spirit enters my life
You venom takes me away
Your freedom carries me unto my grave

The Drug:
You took me in and now I’ll never get out
I’ll keep you safe from strength and doubt
So just remember this is all in your mind
Now you’re afraid to ever leave me behind

Grace:
See my fall
And mock my pain
Savior
Redeemer
Punish me
For wanting you
Awaken
This hunger in me

Euphoria:
Unleash the worry
Into jealous skies
Transcend the freedom
And forgive the lies
Awaken from reality
And close your eyes
Sink down into serenity
And drown alive

Dance in the fire
Of abandoned vows
Burn in the winds of silence
And forgotten sounds
Hear not the symphony
As it plays its lies
Calling you to rise above me
Euphoric paradise
Track Name: The Paradox of Needing
Paradox of Needing

Grace:
Is this a dream or a curse?
Living in heaven unbound
Floating in fire
I can’t feel it burn
Will anything of me return?

I don’t want to lose it all
To drown in my love
To look in the mirror and see who I want to

Innocence:
Is this who you wanted to see?

Grace:
Is this the end of it all?
I’m fading away
A slave to my freedom, I’m shackled and bound here

Innocence:
Bound by your will to be bound

Grace:
This is not what I wanted
This is just what I need
Free me
Free me from my regret
Is this hell, or a dream?

Take me away from it all
This burden of selfless betrayal
Burn in the fire, the anger and shame
Nothing of me can remain

I’m a slave
I’m a slave to me
And I hate myself for this need
I’m losing me
And I can’t stop
No I can’t stop
And I can’t lose myself in here

Innocence:
This is not who I wanted to be
Track Name: Drowning in Serenity
Drowning in Serenity

Grace:
Inside me it breathes
Above its breath it screams
Beneath the screams it cries
Inside the cries is me

I wake the lonely need
Above all else, to feed
To drink of life and me
To rape me of beliefs

Feel what’s left
Beneath these veins
The darkness far behind me
Life still cold
And too depraved
To see what’s left inside me

The Drug:
Rip these veins
And scar beneath
The darkness sinking in you
Lose your aim
And fall again
Destroy what’s left inside you

Grace:
Through my hands it reaches
To strangle at my veins
A surprise awaits its senses
A numbing touch in vain

Estranged to my wishes
I rip my hopes from dreams
I turn from the mirror
Ashamed by what I see

Hope:
Feel me flowing through you, singing for you, fall into my love
See me all around you, calling for you to rise above
The pain that you became
Fades in the light
Of your innocence
The heaven you deny
Is around you
Let it guide you home
The pain you’ll endure
Will abandon you
In your serenity
The freedom you’ll obtain
Can deliver you
To salvation

Grace:
I can feel it burning me
Track Name: Duet
Duet

Grace:
Here I am, again
A withered soul for you to crush, again
I need you to want to rape me again
I need you to want to hate me
I need you
I need you
To live inside me for a while

The Drug:
You come to hide from the invisible walls that trap your mind
Closing in on the inside
Dying inside, from the dependency that makes you blind
Blind to your screaming on the inside

Grace:
Pierce the skin so you can enter me
Pierce the skin so you can own me
I need you to abuse me
I need you to destroy me
Look away
Look away
Be disgusted by me
Look at me
Look at me
Cause I want you to kill me

The Drug:
Falling behind, the fabrications and eternal misconcepted lies
That you believe on the inside
You’ll never find a way to rid me from your cold abandoned life
Raping you from the inside (out)

Grace:
I can’t feel you anymore
No I can’t feel you anymore

The Drug:
Come closer, closer than ever before
Breath me in, breath deeper than ever before

Grace:
I’m not alive here without you
I don’t deserve to be without you
The Drug:
You want this, you want to suffer and die
You need this; you need to drown in my lie
Track Name: Watch Me Fall
Watch Me Fall

Grace:
A battered soul; lost and forgotten
I crawl beneath the filth and the shame
I can’t survive without it
I just can’t see this, through my eyes
Or this will blind me
From
From my pride

Sultry divine
Enticingly vile
For but a moment I will share in your lie

Reach down into my innocence
And feed your lust
And then I’m gone
Corrupt me with your wickedness
And watch me fall
Till I’m gone

I search the depths of hell to find just a morsel
Of heaven to let into my veins
Oh why can’t I die in this freedom?
It taunts me, it taunts me so

Tattered and torn
Abused and forlorn
Too low to be high
Why?

(Crippled in my dependency I pull for any heart in reach, but souls so low can’t feel love. They used to me to feed their lust. To feel used is to feel and to feel is what I crave)

I cover my heart
With filth and dirt
Just so I can find it in me
I am the shame
You can’t face
I am alone here
You gave me life
Now give me your love
Oh father I’m pleading
Take from me what you want
But give me salvation
Take from me what you want
There’s nothing of me left to give

Guilt:
Is there a heart to feel
In this life or to your touch?
Do you crave to be this slave,
Weeping for this vile crutch?
This mind and skin forever clawing…
Is this torment ever thawing?
Is it death or freedom gnawing
With every form the veins are drawing?

And to suck the seed
Of your very source
Less than nothing to waste
Absent remorse
And this very discourse
Fades into a prick and a push
Cascade of such resource;

Souless! Godless!
Mindless! Trick!

You have nothing to give
As you gave nothing to yourself
You give yourself to nothing
You have nothing left to give…
Track Name: Euphoria Knight
Euphoria Knight

Euphoria:

Don’t rush in, you luscious warm feel good
The same sound lures you and lures you out
I feel it don’t stop, caught in a loop of mine
Lie awake, away and trust (red) blood comes to flood
Euphorian Knight
White horse my armor, with gilded two faced goddesses
Takes you to a ride, ride, ride
Your fired and burnt alive
Trust…the needle and the light
Then red, red, red turned to white
Don’t rush the drowning, sparks ignite the pleasure
Feel alive…

Trust me, trust me, we fall into eternity
Trust me, trust me, we fall into eternity

Don’t rush, don’t rush
We fall into eternity
I stay forever thine, your inseparable twin wins the fight

Trust me, trust me, we sail into eternity
Trust me, trust me, we sail into eternity

Euphoria ride, ride, ride
Euphoria ride, ride, ride,
Continuum, eternal high
Continuum, eternal high
Your inseparable twin

Trust me, trust me, we fall into eternity
Trust me, trust me, we fall into eternity

When I see the light
Track Name: Denial
Denial

Grace:
Oh what a life
I’m breathing fear
Wishing I could die or simply disappear
And I’m all alone

This symphony
It plays for me
Calling me to drown in my serenity
Oh let me die

I’m crawling toward a familiar hell

I’m running from my life
My world is burning
Deny the pain in me
My heart is fading
Deny the pain in me
I can’t survive another day
Deny the pain in me
I’d rather die than live this way

Oh god the pain
I’ll end it all
Doubt anyone would even miss me when I’m gone
Yet I remain

I’m so afraid
Of seeing me
Swallowing the tears of who I used to be
Please kill me now

Can I just close my eyes?
And wish it all away
Can I just fall asleep?
And dream my life away
I don’t think I deserve this
Can they hear my cries?
I’ve thrown it all away
Track Name: Intervention
Intervention

Grace,

We’ve come here today because we love you. Please know that we’re not doing this out spite, but out of love, out of compassion and out of hope that you will find your way to sobriety and happiness. We’ve seen you fall deeper and deeper into this state of abuse and it’s something we can no longer just watch. We’ve come here today not as enemies but as a mother, a father, a sister and friends that love you. Please know that we are always there for you.

We know you blame us....blame me..... for whatever it was that brought you to this point and we are sorry. I’m so sorry. Please forgive us. Forgive me Grace. The pain that we caused you, by our pride, our dreams and our neglect is something we can never undo. It is our hope though, to spare you from the pain that you’re bringing on yourself right now. Our hearts bleed for you Grace, and it is a pain we can no longer endure. We will not abandon you in your moment of need. We will never leave you.

We will fight alongside you, not against you. You are not a burden to be carried, or a cross to bear. You are a gift that has brightened all of our lives from the moment you came into them. We are so sorry that we allowed you to fall so far. We just couldn’t see the signs. Maybe it was pride, or shame in ourselves that stopped us.

We miss you Grace; the beautiful girl we took for granted, the innocent child who has since fallen so far away from us. We have all been stung by this venomous serpent. The sins we unknowingly committed have branded themselves onto you. You bear the stigmata of our mistakes and for that we can only ask for your forgiveness.

Nothing we can say or do could possibly make up for taking from you the one thing you cried out for time and time again; your freedom to choose the life that you wanted for yourself. We stole from you your voice, and for that we are so very sorry. We ask you to forgive us Grace. Only then can you allow us to be there for you now.

We beg of you Grace, let us be there for you now as we never were before. Your voice; disguised in rage and anger calls for a home for your gentle heart. Let us answer that call, let us comfort you in your time of need. We will not abandon you as we once had; we swear to you our love.

We will not force you to change your ways, lest we forget our past transgressions. We can only be here for you, waiting until you’ve chosen this for yourself. Please do not be swayed by our pleas for you, they come from love. We will wait here for you Grace, for now and forever with our arms extended, until you come back to us.
Track Name: Your Betrayal
Your Betrayal

Rage:
How dare you judge me as sinner?
You’ve buried me beneath
This rage that speaks for me!
Control my every action
Condemn my every dream
Rape me from my every thought of who I scream to be
You bastards know that I’m a sinner?!
I control the poison that frees me, revives me, destroys me
I control the anger that fuels me, exhumes me, consumes me
I’ve given it my life and it has given me my death
Father!
Mother!
Poison my mind!
Brother!
Sister!
Kill me again!
Know I
Suffer
With you
Without you
Sorrow
Anguish
For you
From you

No!
I bleed, I cry. I’m dying alone!

You look at me and see a sickness
But what is underneath
This shell that’s left of me
Suffering with every silence
Blistering with every word
Killing me from the inside out and leaving me to burn
You claim to know that I am broken
You fucking shattered me!
Burn in the fire you lit in me
Let the flames of your mistakes consume you, feel it burn
Suffer!
Suffer!
My agony!
Never!
Never!
Return to me!

Words fall around me like rain
Leaving me dry and thirsty
I reach out for a drop
And it burns my hands
Nothing I say is heard
And nothing I hear is said
It’s spoken in the language of the heart
And mine is dead

Rage & Grace:
It’s my life to give
It’s my world to burn in my passion and rage
There is no way out
You’ve kept me alive and ashamed

It’s my cross to bear
My burden to carry without faith or hope
Damn your betrayal
You’ll never abuse me again
Is this who you want me to be?!
No?!
No?!
No!
Track Name: My Regret
My Regret

Grace:
I have fallen from you
My innocence; I regret I’ve fallen from you

Grace:
Who am I now?

Innocence:
You are the one who let me drown

Grace:
I’ve lost all that I love

Innocence:
Why have you left me?

Innocence:
I am fading, I’m dying in you
I fly away from a world where you betrayed me

Innocence:
Who are you now?

Grace:
I am the one who let you drown

Innocence:
You’ve lost all that you love

Grace:
Don’t ever leave me

Grace:
Softly sigh and whisper my name
Gently fall and drown in the flames
Innocence and guilt; my shame
I regret what I became
All my life I’ve been afraid
That my voice would fade away
My thirst is a sickness that’s burning in me, pulling me down
I’ve let it control me and push me aside, leaving me broken but somehow alive

Grace & Innocence:
Who are we now?

Guilt & Rage:
You are the souls that we must drown

Grace & Innocence:
We’ve lost all that we love

Guilt & Rage:
We’ll never leave you

Grace:
Am I a soul deserving of forgiveness?
I’ve burned all that I love
Am I too low to seek redemption?
I am the ash that fled the fire
Let me scatter in the wind
I am abandoned!
Track Name: Abandoned
Abandoned

Grace:
Hear in me, words of sorrow
Shamefully forged in sin
Fear as my watchful reminder
That lord you’ve abandoned your children
Why?

Can you see me?
I kneel before you
Can you hear me?
Calling for you
Can you know me?
I’m your creation
Can you love me?
When I need you?
Here I am
Dying again
No one answers
Silence greets me
Can’t you hear me?
Won’t you hear my prayers?
Where are you?

I need you God
Slipping away, my voice is the cry of a sinner estranged from your grace
Forsaken and shamed, my life is a penance to pay for drifting away

Can you see me?
I die before you
Can you hear me?
Crying for you
Can you know me?
Your aberration
Can you love me?
When I’ve failed you?

I need you God
Slipping away, my voice is the cry of a sinner estranged from your grace
Forsaken and shamed, my life is a penance to pay for drifting away

The Drug:
I am your protector; I’ll be your provider of moments and memories
You’re only connector to a world of pain, to the sky that drops you to your knees
I am your mentor, I’ll be the center of your heart that carries a disease (and that’s me…)
I’ll be the objector to every hope of freedom that you could ever dream

Grace:
See me; dying before you, pleading to leave me; rid me of my needing you
See me; screaming in silence, bring me salvation, free me of my thirst for you

The Drug:
Abandon your creator; succumb to your berator with open and trusting eyes
I will be your savior, protect you from the rapture that’s already in your mind
You are his failure; he’ll be the center of your hell that I will redeem (and in me…)
You’ll find the danger, the sacred heart of pleasure that you will never receive
Track Name: Redemption
Redemption

Grace:
To see
The world inside me is free
To be a lie
To be
The freedom that I can obtain
To find a way

To free life
A way of existence
And release
Yourself
From all importance
Awaiting destiny
Kneeling down before your shame
Accepting humility
Ridding yourself of your pride

Pride awaits the selfless soul
And feeds upon its flaws
Anger finds a welcome home
Dependent on your love
Second now the will to feel
All but second thoughts
Saddened by the weakened heart
The soul abandons trust

Is it wrong to face the hidden side of your fallen love and repress your fears?
To deny the pain and to shield yourself from your withered tears?
When there’s nothing to keep you strong?

Fallen high
A keen blind eye
Will only see what the mirror reflects
Never cry
For a tear run dry
For the oceans feed when the mirror accepts
Aging stars
Will light the scars
And the wounds will heal when the mirror rejects
Flaming hearts
As the pain departs
And the soul will heal as the mirror cracks in shame

The reflection will shatter

Grace & Euphoria
And the motions rest
But the waves resist
To allow the peace of tranquility
And the winds will cease
Sets the mind at ease
But denies the call of virtues plea

Grace:
Finding now a will to live
Born from second love
Only in this memory
Will anger find its home
Tempted by this harmony
To call this land my own
Stricken by this memory
Forever shall I roam

Is it wrong to face the hidden side of your fallen love and repress your fears?
To deny the pain and to shield yourself from your withered tears?
When there’s nothing to keep you strong?

Hope:
And the end will see that your sympathy
Reigned through tyranny, led to honesty
From the time of peace through the years of pain
Was your humanity your redemption for your sins that woke the moment of your vanity.

Your soul is free
Track Name: Pieces of Me
Pieces of Me

Grace:
I wake to find the day
Where I am alive and abandoned by shame
I reach inside to find it
I find it’s shed my skin
Am I free from its pain?

This dance I can no longer evade
This passion play embedded in pain
If I deserve this suffering
I’ll make you suffer with me
You seduced me
You reduced me
To my screams
And left me in agony
You left me

Broken
In pieces
But somehow
Alive

I am the ash that fled the flame
The dying voice that still remains
Will I ever be the same?
Or will I fade away?
Will I ever leave the shame?
Of abandoning my way
I will never be the same
I will never be the same

You scream that I no longer obey
You cry that we’re no longer the same
If you deny my liberty
I will deny you my pain
Free my ego
Free my spirit
From your greed
And leave me my hope and dreams
You leave me
Broken
Shattered
But somehow
Alive
You ripped me apart and forsake me to burn
Engulfed in the flames of your love
I’ve suffered your mercy and cherished your sins
Drowning in oceans of pain
I’ll tear you away from the trust you betrayed
You’ll never deny me my freedom
You’ll burn in the passion awakened in me
I’ll never surrender to weakness

Grace, Hope, Innocence, Euphoria, Guilt & Rage:
I am the strength that you restrain
The innocence that never fades
The hope and guilt that will remain
Beyond the bliss and rage
I am the trust that you betrayed
If I die to get away
It will not have been in vain
It will not have been in vain
Track Name: Forgive My Weakness...
Forgive My Weakness

Grace:
I’m sorry for all the pain
My life has brought to you
I’m sorry for what became of the girl you used to know
I feel it pulling me
I need it still